


Night Terrors

by apostapals (apostapal)



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Gender-Neutral Hawke, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-12 23:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7953466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apostapal/pseuds/apostapals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke's coping mechanisms aren't the best, but they were what they had to be at the time. Fenris has to show them they don't have to stay that way, however.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night Terrors

The night terrors started not long after Leandra died. No one saw at first but they all knew; Hawke’s bloodshot eyes and wavering focus were enough of a tell.

Later, while looking after Hawke post-Arishok-duel, Anders saw first hand. Gasping and fighting tears, Hawke sat bolt upright and called for their mother, then their father, then miserably buried their face in their hands. The healer did his best to soothe them but it seemed their brush with death and the looming templar threat just made things worse.

Once, he heard them call Fenris’ name. They made him swear never to tell another soul.

Eventually they were well enough for Anders to move back to the spare room; a temporary arrangement that became permanent due to the knight-commander’s rise to power. But Hawke never went to him with their nightmares. They simply found their own ways to deal with things.

Everyone began to believe they’d stopped having them. Even in the room over Anders couldn’t say whether or not they still did wake in the night.

So, when Fenris finally found himself spending another night with them—years gone by, it came as total surprise when they woke him gasping for air and kicking the sheets.

“Hawke?”

They flinched at his voice and rolled onto their side, curling in as small a ball as possible.

“Sorry.” they mumbled, refusing to look at him as he placed a hand on their side, “Should have warned you about those.”

“You… still have them?”

They nodded once. Still not looking at him, they tried to fight a shiver and burrow back into the blankets.

“Do you need anything?”

“ _No._ ” the reply was sharper, harsher than Fenris was used to, “It’ll pass, I’m fine.”

It was easy to tell the weren’t, in fact, ‘fine’ but Fenris wasn’t sure what to do for them. This, and their reaction, weren’t new things to Hawke’s life. They’d been dealing like this for years.

He just sighed and laid down, nestled against their back but not pushing boundaries by embracing them. They slowly drifted off and Fenris laid awake a while, watching their breathing, before sleep took him as well.

A few more nights passed in similar fashions before Fenris could no longer stand it. One early morning, Hawke woke gasping his name and Fenris shot up, grabbing their shoulders before they could roll away from him. They stayed frozen for a second, stunned, before Hawke burst into hiccuping sobs and weakly tried to shove his arms away.

“ _Hawke._ ” he pressed in closer, touching his forehead to theirs even as they tried to squirm away, “Let me help.”

They finally caved—melted into his arms in a sobbing mess. Fenris ran his fingers through their hair and waited for the worst to pass. Once they were breathing slower, he spoke.

“Why did you never tell anyone?”

“They all left.” Hawke said, voice hitching, “Father, Bethany, Carver, mother, _you_ …”

Fenris flinched at the mention of his own failings. He wasn’t foolish enough not to think it had changed them but to be a part of their nightmares was… telling.

“I didn’t want to burden anyone. Anders kept losing sleep over it and they weren’t going away so I just—just pretended they did. So I didn’t have to hurt anyone else.”

“Hawke…”

“A-and now,” they sniffled and gripped at his nightshirt, “Now I’m burdening you. As soon as I’ve got you back. I’ll lose you again.”

_Never._ Never again. But Fenris knew this was an old wound, not easily healed. Like a bone that was set wrong it would not be quieted by simple methods.

“Why would I leave over this?”

“You’ll realize you deserve better.”

“What is better than you, for me? Have you ever let me down?” he asked.

Hawke shook their head against his chest.

“You’ve helped free me. You’ve been a friend when I was too afraid to love and a lover when I wasn’t any longer. And you’ve forgiven all the hurt I’ve caused you. I should have been there for you, years earlier.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Hawke replied softly.

“And it wasn’t yours either.” Fenris spoke gently but firmly, pulling them closer, “You didn’t drive me away before and you cannot now.”

Hawke took in a shaky breath and, for the first time since they’d woke, raised their face to look at him. They piled into his lap and buried their damp face against his neck, balling their fists in the fabric of his shirt.

“I’m here.” Fenris promised, running his hands up and down their back, “I’m not going anywhere, not again.”

Their nightmares were no simple issue but at least they sought out his arms next time they woke. He couldn’t take back their years apart but he had now. And he would be there for them.


End file.
